It's funny how I named this blog, 'The REAL Katty' when I don't really know who the REAL me is. More than a year ago, I was able to resign from the work I dreaded. Looking back, at that time, it was the perfect decision before I could self destruct and involve other people as well. It's been a year, and though there were a lot of "how are you's?" and "Project: Self Love & Discovery", things just got a bit more confusing and tiresome.
To be totally honest, on days like these that I'm lazy as hell, I just don't care anymore. Reading devotionals has become a habit even though I don't feel any inspiration from reading it. Opening up to people has also become very tiresome as it's just the same old story and I feel that people are just tired listening to almost a decade of rants. Caring for others has become something I'd do because I'm used to doing it.
It's funny how just a few years ago, I was someone who, despite having too much negative thoughts toward myself, I was this ball of sunshine, always trying to make an effort to make someone included - making someone not feel distant or out of place in a close knit group. But now I couldn't care less.
As time goes, I've become someone who, just likes to be by myself. Even at home, I'd prefer to be by myself. But I'd still like some company. Watching them have fun, not really wanting to speak out. But doesn't mind opening up a bit from time to time. Being surrounded by people, for a certain time, makes me feel I'm part of something - but making an effort to staying with that group doesn't really bug me anymore. If they want me, then good. If not, then okay, no big deal.
But when I'm gone, would it make a difference?
If I'm no longer the Katty that can do stuff, would I still be wanted?
Will the Real Katty, the one with no dream, no care and no direction be someone you'd care to have in your life?
