He was witty, smart, loving, caring and real.
His patience was beyond belief.
His love for his family and friends were unremarkable.
He made me happy and feel loved.
He made sure that I was safe and secured.
He understood every mood swing and craziness I have.
He respected me more than anyone did.
He sacrificed a lot for others and for me.
He showed me his love in the most surprising and amazing ways.
And most of all, he loved God.
But one thing was lacking, he didn't loved himself.
No amount of words can describe how blessed and happy I am that I have him in my life. Every moment was magical. Something simple can be turned into an extraordinary experience. He treated me like I was the most luckiest woman in the world. For the first time after a long time, I felt like I was ready - ready to love and give again. I was so sure of myself. So sure that I have the capacity to love him, to compensate for the feeling of unworthiness he felt. I thought the love I was giving him was enough for him to start thinking of loving himself. I made him do whatever he wanted. Boosted his morale when he feels like he's the worst person in the world. Cheered him up when he was down. He allowed me to love him in every possible way I know.
We're not perfect. We had our misunderstandings. We had our downfall. But each time we experience these things, we talked about it and tried to fix it. We ask for guidance for God. I felt that together we can conquer anything. That together, we can rise. But so I thought. If there was one battle that we can't conquer together, that is our own individual battles - our own ghosts. No matter how happy we are together, our past kept on haunting us, torturing us. Individually, little by little, our attacks were getting stronger. It came to a point that our individual ghosts were haunting us together. And we can't fight them together anymore. We needed to retreat and face our battles on our own.
We're scared. I'm scared that we might not end up together. That all the investments we made for each other will be put to waste. But then again, this is where our trust in each other and in God, especially, comes in.
We need to make sure that our hearts are perfectly aligned first with God's will. That our motives are the same with God's motives. We chose a path that's not easy or rather, God placed us on a path that's very bumpy and scary. In the process, hope might be lost - hope for the future, hope that we end up together, hope that something great is in store for us. But beyond these fears, one thing is for sure, God is molding us. Sculpturing us. Making us His best masterpiece of all time.
We need to build ourselves individually. We need to be sure of ourselves first before we continue what we started. We need to believe in God and trust all His plans and ways.
"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not
arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable
or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the
truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things,
endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass
away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass
away" 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our
inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary
affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all
comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things
that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the
things that are unseen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 16-18
Lord, we ask for Your grace. We ask for your forgiveness in all the things we have done wrong. We ask that You teach our hearts and mind to trust You in all of Your ways. Make us stronger - together and individually. Teach us to trust Your ways and not in ours. Fill us with Your love so that all the pain and hurts we have will washed away. Help us accept our past, correct our wrong doings, and learn from our mistakes. Help us to move forward in our lives having You in the center. We ask for guidance in all the decisions we are about to do. Be with us in every step of the way. in times that feel we are not going anywhere, that we don't feel any hope anymore, when we feel living has no point anymore, show us that we are still on right path. That YOU ARE WITH US. Give us patience with ourselves and may we learn to forgive ourselves. All these we ask in the mighty name of Jesus, through the intercession of Mama Mary, Amen.
