As days passed, I start to survive my day without thinking about you. And I thank my new friends from BLD for that - Avi in particular. She made me realize how I was focusing on my hurt rather than the positive things.
I love you. I still very do. But you don't love me the same way that I love you. 2 years of indulging myself in this feeling for you is already enough. On the first year, it was a happy crush. I never thought a day would come that I would fall for you as deep as this. The second year was just a roller coaster of happiness and sadness. All the emotions that I never thought that I was capable of feeling, I felt them. The overhappiness, the hurt, the anger and the sadness, all of them in one year.
During that second year, I did things I said I will never do for a guy not unless he is my boyfriend. Surprise cakes and greetings. I never even thought I would sacrifice a lot to the point that my physical health and relationships suffered. Don't get me wrong, I don't blame you. In a way, I thank you for letting me realize what I can do just for love.
I'm still in pain.
It still hurts everytime I seriously think about it. Because just so you know, from the very beginning, you have always rejected me. I just allowed myself to hope that things might be different if I try to do something to change it - but I was wrong.
It's already the third year. (Shocks! Kung tayo na, edi magti-three years na tayo! :)) LOL) I can already sleep without crying. I can already start getting angry at you. (Yes, hindi ko kayang magalit sa'yo dati). If before, I'm not used to not having you around, now, I don't want to constantly be by your side. I start to put the band-aid of "bestfriend" role in my heart so that I won't get hurt every single time that I need to have you by my side and you not being there at all.
Goodbye to all the depression and hello to bitterness. Hey! At least I'm on my way to moving forward. From now on, it's going to be me and myself again.
