Letting Go

During the POWERHOUSE session last July 28, when we were at worship time, He told me to let go and from there I realized that after all this time, he wanted me to let go of my feelings for that person (let's name him Mr. D). And I didn't had a hard time to say YES.

Somehow, I felt that this day would come. That I have to move forward from this experience. And I feel this is the time to do it.

We haven't been in touch with each other much lately. I don't feel like talking to him anyways, so i feel that it is just timely. I'm not saying that at that moment I fully accept that he should be totally out of my life. I'm still discerning if He wants me to totally cut Mr. D from my life or we remain freinds but the relationship changes. I don't know. But as of the moment, all I want is for us not to talk as often as before. I don't want to see him, and I don't want us to be connected in whatsoever way. Either way, as I could see, we can't be friends (as of the moment).

Harsh? I don't know. Maybe because I'm confused - confused with why did we crossed paths. Confused as to why did Papa God allowed me to fall in love with him for this long. Confused as to why he allowed me to stay in his life even if I was still in love with him. And especially CONFUSED BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW MY PLACE.

Right now, I'm just going with the flow. I'm just letting things happen -- if something ever does happen. Maybe I'm already at that stage in moving on wherein I've accepted that I'm never going to be romantically connected with him. Maybe. I don't know. But one thing I do know is that, I'm better than before and I know that this time, there's no backsliding that's gonna happen.

I pray that I may be enlightened soon of the things that are confusing me. I really do hope and pray for that.