As I read the scriptures today, a bucket of doubt filled me. Thoughts of staying away and unbelief kept running through my mind. Then I realized when I caught myself having these thoughts, I am still afraid. Afraid of the unknown. Afraid of what lies ahead. Instead of me feeling excited, I felt lost and unsure. Unsure if this is the path for me. Scared of the all the trials this path. Scared to a point of immobilization.
But I know I can't stay here forever. At some point, I have to allow myself to be strong again - for myself. I have to allow myself to believe something, 'cause not everything has a hidden agenda. Is this paranoia as well? I don't know. But I just need to accept His love and that He has way better plans for me.
I need to accept that - as it is.
Even if my whole system is throwing up the thought of it.
Have I become really that hard already?
