Okay, I know I'm tired that's why I'm feeling down and frustrated again. I always do when I'm physically tired. But he frustration is killing me and because it's the busy times with my friends, I really can't tell them this because I think it's just a waste of time to rant & rant whenever I'm with them.
I didn't know when this feeling of frustration started, all I know is that lately, I've been feeling this. Frustrated about what? I'm frustrated about me not being able to do harmonies. I want to do harmonies, I try my very best to memorize and be sensitive to the notes the piano is making, but I still can't do the harmonies.
While I was listening to my recording of last night's rehearsal for KCON, I was corrected multiple times because the harmonies I was doing was not blending with Rex's or with Bro. Norman's. I didn't showed them that I was embarrassed about it nor was I frustrated about it. But I was already feeling bad for being like that, but I tried not to show it. My colds made things worse. I hear a sound, but I can't decipher it. Bro. Norman instead made me do melodies for the mean time, since I was the only girl that showed up.
Lately I've been thinking if this is my limitation. If I'm just bound to do melody all throughout my service. I feel like I've let down all my mentors because I can't do simple harmonies.
Did I placed a very high standard on myself that I didn't know I can't meet?
I want to learn, I want to be the best for Papa God, I want to be that instrument that makes people want to restore their faith... But how can I be that person if I feel these things?
I know what to do, but since I'm only doing it by myself, I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. I don't know if I'm really doing any progress at all. This is not the time for any of this, and I know that this issue I have in me is petty compared to what the others are experiencing. But Papa God, I'm still allowed to feel this, diba? :(
I know what to do, but since I'm only doing it by myself, I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. I don't know if I'm really doing any progress at all. This is not the time for any of this, and I know that this issue I have in me is petty compared to what the others are experiencing. But Papa God, I'm still allowed to feel this, diba? :(
I know I shouldn't be focusing on what I cannot do, but I chose to step up in this ministry and such acts is not acceptable. When I said 'yes' to Mamy Gi, I vowed to myself that I will really level up and give not only my 100% but my 1000%! And with this, I really feel that I've disappointed not only those who taught me, but most especially Mamy Gi. :((
